PLAYGIRL INC.
NEW ENGLAND BRANCH
PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND 02902
DEAR _________,
We wish to thank you for your letter and Polaroid photo which we recently
received. We regret, however, that we will not be able to use your photo as our
"Playgirl's Man of the Month."
When rated by our AAW (Auaricious American Women) on a scale of 1-10
your body was rated a minus 2 (-2). The panel is comprised of widowed females
ranging in ages from 50-75 years old who have been deprived of sexual activity
for a minimum of five years.
To confirm your below average rating, we submitted your photograph to a
second panel, the HUHA (Horny Undersexed Housewives of America), whose age
range from 25-35. However, we could not get them to contain their laughter
long enough to rate you.
Please be assured, that should the tastes of American women deteriorate
so drastically that a body such as yours would be in demand, you will be
notified. Meanwhile, please do not call us, we will call you.
Sincerely,
PLAYGIRL INC.
P.S. It pains us to inform you, that had your photo been used, the staple
holding our centerfold together would have completely obstructed what you
refer to as your "item of interest."
