Women's Advice to Men

The reason why our bras don't always match our underwear is because WE actually change our underwear.

The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet rim.

If we're watching football with you--it's not bonding--it's the butts.

If the truth hurts, ask us those ego-sensitive questions on your payday.

Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.

Don't fret if you find out that the milkman delivers more than once a day.

Please don't drive when you're not driving.

Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.

Our bedtime headaches are inversely proportional to the number of baths you take.

If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn't ask us in bed.

The next time you joke about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused by male rubber-necking at the mini-skirts.

If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of "who's easy"?

Stop telling us most male strippers are gay: we don't care.

When you're not around, I belch loudly, too.

Start parting and combing your hair to one side early in life--you'll never see the 'island' coming.

Have a strong need for male bonding? Visit your proctologist.

Your contributions to your child should go above and beyond that y chromosome you unselfishly sacrificed.

Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level.

Your balding is a good thing--it subsidizes our hair care expenses.