If you receive an e-mail message with "End-All Virus" in the subject line, DON'T OPEN IT.

If you do: End-All will re-write your entire hard drive. Not only that, it will scramble any disks (and eggs) that are even close to your computer. It will turn your CD ROM drive into a coffee cup holder and you will be forces to hum into the phone
to get your modem to work.

It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream will melt. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards and bill you for the service. It will screw up the tracking on your VCR (If you ever figured out how to program the darn thing) and it will use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.

It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix Kool-aid into your fishtank. It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when company comes over. It will make you type Tipos. End-All will leave the toilet seat up. It will hide your car keys when you are late for work.

END ALL invites your mother-in-law over for a month. It replaces the sugar in your coffee with sweetener, causes your cable to only tune in home repair programs, and make people aware of all the things you are personally guilty of actually doing

It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. And it makes you read funny e-mails.