THINGS TO DO TO LIVEN UP THANKSGIVING DINNER  
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

1. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in 
the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that 
it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake.  

2. When everyone goes around to say what they are Thankful for, 
say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught" and refuse to say anything 
more.  

3. Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR 
when Dad's not looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes 
of the game. When he comes into the room, turn off the VCR and 
turn on the regular TV.  

4. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive 
conditions known to exist at turkey farms.  

5. During mid-meal turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they 
wouldn't notice that the Turkey was past expiration date. You were 
worried for nothing."