Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of the
slopes as written in this account by a New Orleans paper. A friend just got
back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of  story that warms the
cockles of anybody's heart. Conditions were perfect, 12 below, no feeling in
the toes, basic numbness all over, the "tell me when we're having fun" kind
of day.
 
One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in dire
need of a restroom. He told her not to worry that he was sure there was
relief waiting at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for
female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the pain did not go
away.
 
If, you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know that a
temperature of 12 below zero doesn't help matters. So, with time running
out, the woman weighed her options. Her husband, picking up on the intensity
of her pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all white ski outfit,
she should go off in the woods. No one would even notice, he assured her.
The white will provide more than adequate camouflage. So she headed for the
tree line, began disrobing and proceeded to do her thing.
 
If you've ever parked on the side of a slope, then you know there is a right
way and a wrong way to set your skis so you don't move. Yup, you got it. She
had them positioned the wrong way. Steep slopes are 
not forgiving, even during embarrassing moments. Without warning, the woman
found herself skiing backward, out of control, racing through the trees,
somehow missing all of them and onto another slope.
Her derriere and her reverse side were still bare, her pants down around her
knees, and she was picking up speed all the while. She continued on
backwards, totally out of control, creating an unusual vista for the other
skiers.
 
The woman skied, if you define that verb loosely, back under the lift, and
finally collided violently with a pylon. The bad news was that she broke her
arm and was unable to pull up her ski pants. At long last her husband
arrived, putting an end to her nudie show, then went to the base of the
mountain and summoned the ski patrol, who transported her to a hospital. 
 
In the emergency room she was regrouping when a man with an obviously broken
leg was put in the bed next to hers. 
 
"So how'd you break your leg?" she asked, making small talk. 
 
"It was the damdest thing you ever saw," he said, "I was riding up this ski
lift, and suddenly I couldn't believe my eyes. There was this crazy woman
skiing backward out of control down the mountain with her bare bottom
hanging out of her clothes and her pants down around her knees. I leaned
over to
get a better look and I guess I didn't realize how far I'd moved. I fell out
of the lift.
 
So how'd you break your arm?"