"Reasons To Buy A New Car"
===========================

Your passenger seat is on the National Register
of Historic Places.

Instead of an airbag, there's a whoopie cushion
taped to your steering wheel.

Stench from bodies in trunk becoming unbearable.

You lose the stop-light challenge to a 14-year
old on a moped.

15-Minute Jiffy Lube needs to keep your car 3
days.

Thieves repeatedly break into your car just to
take "The Club."

When you gas up, the attendant asks "Can I
re-duct-tape that windshield for you?"

While waiting at stop light, people run up
asking if anyone was hurt.

You never seem to get an answer at the
AMC Gremlin help desk.

For the last five years, you've had to settle
for making "vroom vroom" noises while
sitting in the driveway.

Keep losing dates on left turns.

Your gas gauge measures in cubits.

Traffic reporters starting to refer to you
by name when discussing morning tie-ups.

Hasn't been the same since Hugh Grant
borrowed it.

Your tires are balding faster than Michael
Bolton.