You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.

Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.

You own a homemade fur coat.

Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.

You burn your yard rather than mow it. (NOW - there's a thought)

You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.

Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave the bingo hall because of her language.

Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.

You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.

You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

You've ever given rat traps as gifts.

You clean your fingernails with a stick.

Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.

You've totaled every car you've ever owned.

There are more than five McDonald's bags in the floorboard of your car.

You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.

You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.

You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.

You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."

The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.

Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.

You've ever financed a tattoo.

You've ever stolen toilet paper.

You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.

People hear your car a long time before they see it.

The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

You prefer car keys to Q-tips. ( ICK! )

You take a fishing pole into Sea World.

You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup.

You think the French Riviera is foreign car.

You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.

You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.

You own more than three shirts with the sleeves cut off.

You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.

Your pocket knife often doubles as a toothpick.

You own a denim leisure suit.

You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

Your dog has a litter of puppies on the living room floor and nobody notices.

Your family tree does not fork.

You have a rag for a gas cap.

The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.

You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window. (I'VE SEEN THIS!! LOL )

You've ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge clearance restrictions.

Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.

You bought a VCR because wrestling is on while you're at work.

Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.

All of your four letter words are two syllables.

You've ever been too drunk to fish.

You cut your toenails in front of company.

You view the upcoming family reunion as a chance to meet women.

Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

Hitchhikers won't get in the car with you.

Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.

You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

You've ever been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

You've ever cleaned fish in your living room.