1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,
for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either; just #$%^ off and
leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a
flat tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.

5. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

6. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

8. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.

9. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities
without your help.

10. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
car payments.

11. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their
shoes.

12. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

13. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.

14. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was
probably worth it.

15. Don't squat with your spurs on.

17. If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.

18. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.

19. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put
it back in your pocket.

20. Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side and a dark side, and
it holds the universe together.