Request by the penis
The Penis requests a promotion and a raise for the following
reasons:

has to work hard;
has to work at great depths;
has to work upside down;
has no ventilation or air conditioned environment at work; -
has to work in a high humidity environment;
has to work at high temperatures;
does not get weekends and holidays off;
does not get time off after extra hours of work;
Has a hazardous work environment that often causes professional
sickness.
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  Request denied
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for the following reasons:

does not work 8 hours in a row;
does not answer immediately to all requests;
after a short activity period, falls asleep at work; shows no
fidelity to the workplace;
retires too early;
does not work at all unless pushed from behind;
does not leave the workplace clean after finishing work; -
Sometimes leaves work, too early.