Militia Virus: wipes out your operating system claiming it has no right tocontrol your PC.

Pro-Choice Virus: Although it presents the standard "Abort, Retry, Fail" prompt, it pressures you to choose "Abort", telling you the process being terminated is just "a blob of bits" which has no value.

Lyle And Eric Menendez Virus: wipes out your motherboard, claiming it was done in self-defense.

Bill Clinton Virus: causes your PC to behave unpredictably, working as expected one moment, then suddenly doing the exact opposite the next moment.

Politically Correct Virus: rephrases the "Abort, Retry, Fail" prompt as "Choice, Retry, Success-Impaired".

National Organization of Women (NOW) Virus: forces your PC to recognize its female connections as male connections.

Republican Virus: sells off your system resources to the highest bidder.

Democrat Virus: doesn't allow you to delete inefficient programs or wasted disc space - if you try, it accuses you of being a "mean-spirited extremist".

National Education Assoc. (NEA) Virus: although cleverly disguised as educational software intended to improve your system, in reality it "dumbs down" your 486DX into an 8086.

Jocelyn Elders Virus: teaches your computer to turn itself on.

LAPD Virus: attempts to stop your CPU. If your CPU resists, it is pummeled into hamburger.

Jack Kevorkian Virus: assists your CPU in destroying itself.

Ross Perot Virus: This erratic virus doesn't do much of anything, except surfacing occasionally to threaten to disrupt your system.