If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

 I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

 If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with,
"Quit while you're ahead?"

 What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?


 I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on
 beer cans.


 Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are
we supposed to  do...write to these men? Why don't they just put their
pictures on the postage stamps so the   mailmen could look for them while
they delivered the mail?


 How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

 Why not modern Latin: VENI, VEDI, VISA - I came, I saw, I shopped.

 If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
OTHERS here for?

 STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.

 You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

 Strange! No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is
winning.

 Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

 Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?