1. If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming too high.
2. Woman don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you're sick of him.
4. Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.
5. A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.
6. If you want a nice man go for a bald one -- they try harder.
7. Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.
8. A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel Gummidge is Unquestionably gay.
9. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
10. Definition of a man with manners -- he gets out of the bath to pee.
11. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is.
12. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men -- a woman.
13. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men -- strong, caring, loving -- they'd be wrong but you could still use them.
14. Men are like animals -- messy, insensitive and potentially violent --but they make great pets.
15. Men's brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man.
16. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop".
17. Husbands are like children -- they're fine if they're someone else's.

Men are like department stores.... their clothes should always be half off.

Men are like vacations.... they never seem to be long enough.

Men are like computers... hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

Men are like coolers... load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Men are like chocolate bars.... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

Men are like coffee.... the best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

Men are like horoscopes.... they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Men are like plungers... they spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.

Men are like cement.... after getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.

How can you tell soap operas are fictional?

IN REAL LIFE, MEN AREN'T AFFECTIONATE OUT OF BED.

WHAT SHOULD U GIVE A MAN WHO HAS EVERYTHING?

A WOMAN TO SHOW HIM HOW TO WORK IT

WHY DON'T MEN HAVE MID-LIFE CRISES?

THEY STAY STUCK IN ADOLESCENCE

HOW IS BEING AT THE SINGLES BAR DIFFERENT FROM GOING TO THE CIRCUS?

AT THE CIRCUS THE CLOWNS DON'T TALK

WHAT MAKES MEN CHASE WOMEN THEY HAVE NO INTENTION OF MARRYING?

THE SAME URGE THAT MAKES DOGS CHASE CARS THEY HAVE NO INTENTION OF DRIVING

WHY DO BACHELORS LIKE SMART WOMEN?

OPPOSITES ATTRACT

WHY ARE HUSBANDS LIKE LAWN MOWERS?

THEY'RE HARD TO GET STARTED, EMIT FOWL ODORS, AND DON'T WORK HALF THE TIME

WHY DO MEN FIND IT DIFFICULT TO MAKE EYE CONTACT?

BREASTS DON'T HAVE EYES

HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB?

ONE.....MEN WILL SCREW ANYTHING

WHY ARE BLOND JOKES SO SHORT?

SO MEN WILL REMEMBER THEM