A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise
essay containing the following elements:
1. Religion
2. Royalty
3. Sex
4. Mystery
The prize-winning essay read:
'My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it!"
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Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip
Q: Whats a Lesbian?
A: Just another woman trying to do a man's job
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Joey walked into his dad's study while his dad was working on the computer.
"Dad," said Joey, "Remember when you told me you'd give me twenty dollars
if I passed my math test?"
Dad nodded.
"Well," said Joey, "The good news is that I just saved you twenty bucks."
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A young newlywed couple were having their first fight, and finally the
husband said, "When we got married, you promised to love, honor and obey."
To which the new bride replied, "I know I did. But I just didn't want to
start an argument in front of all those people."
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Q: What's the difference between a young hooker and an old hooker?
A: The young one uses vaseline and the old one uses "poly-grip"
The Flintstones cars ran on foot power. Why didn't they just walk
instead of pulling the heavy car everywhere?
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I must take every precaution not to get pregnant," said Edna to Priscilla.
"But I thought you said your hubby had a vasectomy," Priscilla responded.
"He did. That's why I have to take every precaution."
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My boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't
getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and
bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his
office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped
a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"
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Morris tells his doctor, " I am under a lot of stress,and I keep losing my
temper with people, and insulting them. You must help me doctor ! "
The doctor says, " Tell me about your problem, Morris ?"
" I just did....YOU STUPID BASTARD !! "
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Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, "Look at
that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and asks, "Where?"
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Lil' Johnny's mother asked him, "Why did you get such a low mark on
that test?"
"Because of absence," he replied.
"You mean you were absent on the day of the test?" she questioned.
Lil' Johnny replied, "No, but the kid who sits next to me was."
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Lil' Johnny's teacher sent a note home to his mother which read,
"Johnny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time
thinking about sex and girls."
His mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please
advise. I have the same problem with his Father!"
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Seven-year old Lil' Suzy told her mom, "A boy in my class asked me
to play doctor."
"Oh, dear," her mother nervously sighed. "What happened, Honey?"
"Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the
insurance company."
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A 16-year-old girl bought herself a real tiny bikini. Very proud
she came home and put it on. She then showed her mother how she looked
in it.
"What do you think Mom?" she asked.
Her mother replied, "If I wore that when I was your age, you would
have been 5 years older!"
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