Wife: I just got back from the beauty shop. Husband: What was the matter? Was it closed?

Why did hitler commit suicide?
Because he got the gas bill.

Did you hear about the guy who couldn't swallow the Viagra pill because it got stuck in the back of his throat?

After an hour, he discovered that he could pick his nose with his tongue.

God: "Whew! I just created a 24 hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth."

Angel: "What are you going to do now?"

God: "Call it a day."

What do you call Eight Days of continuous ORAL SEX

Hanukka Lewinski

As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas ?"

The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"

Oscar Bill's Sing-a-long

His baloney has a first name,
It's "I did not inhale."
His baloney has a second name:
"I wasn't getting tail."

He loves to sling it every day,
The White House people all just say,
That Billy Clinton has a way,
Of making bullshit sound OK!