HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
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 1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car
 w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing
 cars. See if they slow down.

 2) Page yourself over the intercom.
 Don't disguise your voice.

 3) Insist that your e mail address is:
 Xena-Warrior-Princess@companyname.com
 Elvis-the-King@companyname.com.

 4) Every time someone asks you to do
 something, ask if they want fries with
 that.

 5) Encourage your colleagues to join
 you in a little synchronized chair
 dancing.

 6) Put your garbage can on your desk
 and label it "IN."

 7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

 8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3
 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over
 their caffeine addictions, switch to
 espresso.

 9) In the memo field of all your checks,
 write 'for sexual favors.'

 10) Reply to everything someone says with,
 "That's what you think."

 11) Finish all your sentences with
 "In accordance with the prophecy."

 12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so
 that the brightness level lights up
 the entire work area. Insist to others
 that you like it that way.

 13) Don't use any punctuation

 14) As often as possible, skip rather
 than walk.

 15) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh
 hysterically after they answer.

 16) Specify that your drive-through
 order is "to go."

 17) Sing along at the opera.

 18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why
 the poems don't rhyme.

 19) Find out where your boss shops and
 buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them
 one day after your boss does. (This is
 especially effective if your boss is of the
 opposite gender.)

 20) Send e-mail to the rest of the
 company to tell them what you're doing.
 For example, "If anyone needs me,
 I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3."

 21) Put mosquito netting around your
 cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

 22) Five days in advance, tell your
 friends you can't attend their party
 because you're not in the mood.

 23) Call 911 and ask if 911 is for
 emergencies. Don't really do this.

 24) Call the psychic hotline and don't say
 anything.

 25) Have your coworkers address you
 by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

 26) When the money comes out of the
 ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time
 this week!!!"

 27) When leaving the zoo, start running
 towards the parking lot, yelling
 "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

 28) Tell your boss, "It's not the voices
 in my head that bother me, its the voices
 in your head that do."

 29) Tell your children over dinner.
 "Due to the economy, we are going to
 have to let one of you go."

 30) Every time you see a broom, yell
 "Honey, your mother is here!"