A guy dies and wakes up to find he is in hell. He's really
     depressed as he stands in the processing line waiting to talk to an
          admittance counselor. He thinks to himself "I know I lead a wild
     life but I wasn't that bad. I never thought it would come to this."
          Looking up he sees that it is his turn to be processed into hell.
     With fear and a heavy heart, he walks up to the counselor.

          counselor: What's the problem, you look depressed?

          Guy: Well, what do you think? I'm in hell.

          counselor: Hell's not so bad, we actually have a lot of fun. Do
     you like to drink?

          Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

          counselor: Well then, you are going to love Mondays. On Mondays
     we drink up a storm. You can have whisky, rum, tequila,
          beer, whatever you want and as much as you want. We party all
     night long. You'll love Mondays. Do you smoke?

          Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.

          counselor: You are going to love Tuesdays. Tuesday is smoke day.
     You get to smoke the finest cigars and best cigarettes available
          anywhere. And you smoke to your heart's desire without worrying
     about cancer because you are already dead! Is that great or
          what? You are going to love Tuesdays. Do you do drugs?

          Guy: Well in my younger days I experimented a little.

          counselor: You are going to love Wednesdays. That's drug day.
     You can experiment with any drug you want and you don't have
          to worry about overdoses or getting hooked because you are
     already dead. You are going to love Wednesdays. Do you gamble?

          Guy: Yes, I love to gamble.

          counselor: You are going to love Thursdays because we gamble all
     day and night -- black jack, craps, poker, slots, horse races,
          everything! You are going to love Thursdays. Are you gay?

          Guy: Well, no I'm not.

          counselor: Oh , you're gonna hate Fridays...