GREETING CARDS UNSUCCESSFULLY MARKETED BY HALLMARK
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          1. Happy Vasectomy!  Hope you feel zippy! 'Cause when I
          got one... I got real snippy.

          2. I heard you had herpes...and I feel terrible...I'd say "Get
          well soon"...but I know it's incurable.

          3. My tire was thumping....I thought it was flat....when I
          looked at the tire....I found your cat... Sorry!

          4. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends....
          here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.

          5. You've announced that you're gay, and won't that be a
          laugh, when they find out you're one... of the Joint Chiefs of
          Staff.

          6. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day...
          look at the bright side, she's a really good lay.

          7. Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be...Don't
          fret about your wife though... She's moving in with me.

          8. Your computer is dead... and it was so alive... you
          shouldn't have installed... Win'95.

          9. You totalled your car... and can't remember why... maybe
          it  was... that case of Bud Dry

          10. So you lost your job... It's one of those hardships in
              life... Next time, work harder... and stay away from the
              boss's wife.