Good, Bad, Ugly

Good:  Your wife is pregnant.
Bad:  It's triplets
Ugly:  You had a vasectomy five years ago

Good:  Your wife's not talking to you
Bad:  She wants a divorce
Ugly:  She's a lawyer

Good:  Your son is finally maturing
Bad:  He's involved with the woman next door
Ugly:  So are you

Good:  Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad:  You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly:  You're in them

Good:  Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad:  You can't find your birth control pills
Ugly:  Your daughter borrowed them

Good:  Your husband understands fashion
Bad:  He's a cross-dresser
Ugly:  He looks better than you

Good:  You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter
Bad:  She keeps interrupting
Ugly:  With corrections

Good:  The postman's early
Bad:  He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun
Ugly:  You gave him nothing for Christmas

Good:  Your son is dating someone new
Bad:  It's another man
Ugly:  He's your best friend

Good:  Your daughter got a new job
Bad:  As a hooker
Ugly:  Your coworkers are her best clients
Way Ugly:  She makes more money than you do.