"Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company."

"Would you spell that, please?"

"Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in
why. A as in are. Y as in you."

The operator pauses. "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my
supervisor . . ."


************************************************************************

Japan has sent the U.S 50,000,000 cases of Viagra.
They heard that the entire country can't get an election.



Two fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says to them, 
"Get out! We don't serve your type here." 



Christmas is weird.  What other time of the year do you sit 
in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?



Q.  Why do blondes spend three hours in the shower?
A.  Because the instructions on the shampoo bottle say "Lather, rinse, repeat."



Q:  Why don't you take pokemon to the bathroom with you?
A:  It might pikachu.



***********************************************************************


A woman walked up to the manager of a
department store.

"Are you hiring any help?" she asked.

"No," he said. "We already have all the staff
we need."

"Then would you mind getting someone
to wait on me?" she asked.


************************************************************************


This girl walks into a hardware store as she needs a new hinge for a door 
at home. As she takes it to the counter, the clerk asks,

"Wanna screw for that hinge?"  

to which she replies,

"No, but I'll blow you for that toaster on the top shelf."



************************************************************************


A youngster devoted an entire rainy indoors afternoon to 
a drawing he was doing with varicolored crayons. His 
mother finally looked over his shoulder, and, puzzled, 
asked "Who's that you're drawing, son?" 
The son answered, "God." 

"Don't be silly," reproved the mother. "Nobody knows 
what God looks like." 

Not even pausing in his task, the son announced 
calmly, "They will when I'm finished!" 


************************************************************************


United Airlines and asked for a reservation
from Los Angeles to New York. The clerk
knew that the plane was very full with
baggage and passengers.

"How much do you weigh, Sir?" asked the
clerk.

"With or without clothes?" the passenger
asked.

"Well," said the clerk, "how do you intend
to travel?"


*************************************************************************


"The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a
twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of
pals out there. Type in - 'Find people that have sex with goats
that are on fire' and the computer will say, 'Specify type of
goat.'"



*************************************************************************


The two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their
Church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had
the most important role. 

Finally the 14-year-old said to her 8-year-old younger sister, "Well, you
just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is
to be an angel."

**************************************************************************

Nora and Nina were discussing marriage. 
Nora said, "We've been married twenty-five years, and every night my
husband has complained about the food. Not one night without complaining
about the food."

Nina said, "That's awful. Doesn't it bother you?"

Nora said, "Why should I object if he doesn't like his own cooking?"



***************************************************************************


A teenage girl walked into a bank with several glass jars
filled with quarters. After running them through the
automated counting machine, the teller announced,

"That came out to $793.75. Tell me, young lady, how long
have you been hoarding all those quarters?"

"All year," replied the girl, "but my sister whored half of them."


***************************************************************************