Why can only 10% of women get to Heaven?

Any more and it would be Hell.

Confuscious saids: "Man who holds dick in his hand is not crazy, but very close to nuts."

Why can't lesbians lose weight?

Because they can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on their face

What do you call a cross between a rooster and a owl?

A cock that stays up all night

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lickalotapuss

Why can't women play hockey?

They have to change their pads after every period

If a Parsley grower got sued, would they garinshe his wages?

Do you know how men and floor tiles are alike?

If you lay them right the first time; you can walk on them the rest of your life.

What did the banana sayto the vibrator?

"What are you shaking for... she's gonna eat me!!!

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Dough nuts!!

Q. Why do they call seagulls seagulls?

1. Cause if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels!

So these two cannibals were eatin' this clown... and the one cannibals sez to the other cannibal "Does this taste funny to you?".

Q: What is the result of a bomb blast in the middle of a herd of cows? A: Udder destruction.

Q: What did one fly say to another?
A: Gee time is fun when your having flies.

Q: How do you get down from an elephant? A: You don't, you get down from a goose.

Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two, the trick is getting them in there.

Q: What does a women have 2 of that a cow has 4 of? A: Feet.

A young couple hadn't been married for very long when, one morning, man came up behind his wife as she was getting out of the shower and grabbed her by the buttocks. "Y'know honey - if you firmed these up a little bit you wouldn't have to keep using your girdle.", he said. Her feelings were so hurt that she refused to speak to him the rest of the day. Only a week or two later again she stepped out of the shower. As she was drying off he grabbed both breasts and said, "Y'know honey if you firm these up a bit you wouldn't have to wear a bra."

The young wife was infuriated, but had to wait 'till the next morning to get revenge. Waiting until her husband stepped out of the shower she grabbed him by his... and hissed, "Y'know honey, if you'd firm this up a little bit, I wouldn't have to use your Brother."


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