...then there was this guy calls in to complain that he gets an "Access Denied" message every time he logs in. It turned out he was typing his username and password in capital letters.

Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use lower case letters."

Customer: "Uh, but I only have capital letters on my keyboard..."

Q. -What is one dish that you never order from a Chinese restuaurant? A. -Cream-of-sum-yung-guy.

Staggering in from their tenth anniversary dinner, the drunken husband collapsed in a chair and let out an enormous belch.

"That's it George! I've had it this time." his wife screamed. "I'm cutting you off forever."

"That's impossible," he replied, "you don't even know where I'm getting it."

~~~
Bills' nickname for Hillary is, "My little buttercup" His nickname for Monica? "My little suctioncup"

A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window at her: "Pull over!"

"No," she shouts back, "a goddamn sweater!"

~~~
Q. When is a pixie not a pixie?
A. When he's got his head up a fairy's dress, then he's a

goblin.

Q. What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? A. Sanka.

My wife treats me like a god. She feeds me burnt offerings every day.

A lesbian goes to a gynecologist and the gynecologist says "I must say, this is the cleanest p*ssy I've seen in ages." "Thanks," said the lesbian. "I have a woman in 4 times a week."

Looking for a helping hand? There's one on your arm.

Free advice is worth what you pay for it.

Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

Sign in an office:
"This job is only a test
had it been an actual job,
you would have received
raises, bonuses and promotions."

God: "Whew! I just created a 24 hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth."

Angel: "What are you going to do now?"

God: "I'm tired, let's just call it a day."

Q. What's the most sensitive part of your body when you're

jerkin off?
A. Your ears from listening for footsteps.

Q. Did you hear about the new restaurant chain where all the

waitresses are middle aged women dressed in tight shirts? A. It's called "Droopers"

Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A. Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

Considering that the speed of light is faster than the speed of sound ... isn't it any wonder why people look so bright before they open their mouth ??!!

We had a great neighborhood watch going when I was a kid... until she closed her curtains.

Do You Know why Santa Claus Got Arrested in Hollywood Blvd ??? He was screaming Ho Ho Ho !!!!!!

Two goats are out behind a movie studio eating old movie film. One goat says to the other, "Pretty good, huh?"

The second goat says, "Yeah, but it's not as good as the book."

~~~
Q. Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery

machine?
A. He's fully recovered.

Two bishops were discussing the decline in morals in the modern world. "I didn't sleep with my wife before I was married," said one clergyman self righteously. "Did you?"

"I don't know," said the other. "What was her maiden name?"