The farmers daughter went to a doctor and told him, "I think I'm becoming a
nymphomaniac."

The doctor thought for a minute and said, "why don't you lie down and tell
me about it?"
  

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One old man was sitting on a park bench talking to a new
acquaintance.  "I'll tell you," he said, "I've learned that
arthritis is the cruelest disease."

"Crueler than cancer?" his friend asked.

"You bet," the first codger replied. "It makes every single one
of your joints stiff, except the right one."



****************************************************************************



A little boy had been pawing over a stationer's stock of greeting cards for
some time when a clerk asked, "Just what is it you're looking for, sonny?
Birthday greeting? Message to a sick friend? Anniversary congratulations to
your mom and dad?"
 
The boy shook his head "no" and answered wistfully, "Got any blank report
cards?" 



****************************************************************************



Being a newspaper photographer, my husband
would often get home late with the excuse "I had
to shoot a car wreck," or "I had to shoot a football
game."

Once, some unexpected company dropped by
and asked how late my husband would be.

"I don't know," I replied, not intending to shock
them. "He has to shoot the governor."



*****************************************************************************


A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone here know what we mean
by sins of omission?"

A small girl replied, "Aren't those the sins we should have committed, but
didn't?" 



******************************************************************************


A farmer and his friend were sitting out on the front porch discussing their
marriages. "My wife and I decided one night to tell each other our faults
and see if that would help our relationship." said the farmer. 
 
"How did it work? asked the friend. 
 
"Pretty good," he replied.  "We haven't spoken to each other since." 

 

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"Say, Bill," a man said to his pal, "how do you like your new
job?"

"It's the worst job I ever had."

"How long have you been there?"

"About three months."

"Why don't you quit?"

"No way. This is the first time in 20 years I've looked forward
to going home."


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Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle. They were stopped
promptly by a policeman, who said, "What do you think you are doing? What
if you have an accident?"
     
The priests say, "Don't worry, my son. Jesus is with us."
     
The policeman says, "In that case, I have to book you. Three people are
not allowed to ride on a motorcycle."


******************************************************************************