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After a dinner speech, the speaker scolded his secretary: "Why did you write such a long speech for me? You saw how those people were feeling bored!" The secretary replied, "Sir, it wasn't a lengthy speech at all; but I did make one mistake- I gave you all 3 copies of the speech."
A young woman went into a bank to withdraw some money. "Can you identify
yourself?" asked the bank clerk. The young woman opened her handbag, took out a mirror, looked into it and said, "Yes, it's me alright."
A man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked, "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?" "Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!" "Oh! How nice it would be ," said the patient with joy, "I have been lliterate for so long."
A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honour, I'll have a scotch and soda."
A guy about to be electrocuted phoned his lawyer from the death chamber.
"They are about to make me sit in the electric chair. You are my lawyer,
tell me what do I do now?"
The lawyer thought for a moment and then said, "Don't sit down."
Court scene:
1st Lawyer : You're a fool
2nd Lawyer : And you're a damn fool. Judge : As the learned lawyers have now identified each other,can we now proceed with the case.
The wife phoned her husband in the office and said, "Darling, come home early, we are going to have my mother for dinner." "Good" replied the husband, "make sure she's well done."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Q. Can anyone guess what CLINTON is an abbreviation for? - Call Lewinsky, I Need The Oral Now. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
If the President want to separate his private life from his public life, he should stop taking out his privates in public places. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Overheard: "Has your husband lived up to all the things he said before you were married?" "No, He's only lived up to one of them." "Which one was that?" "He said he wasn't good enough for me." ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Did you hear about the tragedy in Poland? In Poland's largest shopping mall, there was a terrible power outage. People were stuck on the escalators for 4 hours.
Q. Why did President Clinton name his dog "Buddy"? - Because he didn't want to be yelling "Come, Spot!" in the White House....
Bill Clinton: Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blowjob??
Innocent Intern: Uh, no Mr. President.
Bill Clinton: We gotta do lunch sometime, soon!!
What do soy beans and dildos have in common? They're both meat substitutes.
Q : What help wanted ad did Monica Lewinsky answer? A : Be a White House intern, and get a taste of the Presidency!
amilies are like fudge...mostly sweet with a few nuts.
Q: Did you hear about the new Jewish game show? - The Price Is Too Much
80 year old Bessie bursts into the rec room of the men's retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!"An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
Some puns... The bigamist was sentenced to two years in jail for having two wives. This only proves that you can’t have your Kate and Edith too. Tom was working in a dry cleaners. One day he fell into the pants presser. After that Tom was very depressed. What do you do when your nose goes on strike? You picket?
Q: Why do Jewish Women go for circumcised men? - Because they can't refuse anything with 10% off.
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" and I said, "Dust!"
3 new bonds are being issued: - Lewinsky bond: Has no maturity
- Gore bond: Has no interest
- Clinton bond: Has no principle.
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