Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence.
Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart) A2: By doing the splits.
Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
Because they can't even keep two calves together!
Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
Nothing. They've never met.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
After a dye job.
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She'd just dyed her hair. A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around
too much.
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?
An IN-body experience!
Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
They both get fucked up when they're on their back.
Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a
recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.
Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
Shine a torch in her ears.
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
There's white-out on the screen. Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
There's writing on the white-out.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
(With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
All you can eat, under a buck.
Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A1: They can't find the zipper. A2: They cant find the pull tab.
Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
To put their feet through.
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
Her ankles.
Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
Because red means stop.
Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
They chip their teeth.
Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
They make good ankle warmers.
Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
Remove their underwear.
Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
Cause their balls show!
Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
"I'm *sooo* drunk!"
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
(Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
She was run over by the zambonis machine.
Q: What's a brunette's mating call?
Has that blonde gone yet? A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!? A3: "All the blondes have gone home!" 46: Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
Because they can spell it.
Q: Why do blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in
effect in Canada)
Because they can spell it.
Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
69 plus G.S.T.
Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
Tits Go In Front.
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
An interpreter.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A mental block.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
"Have another beer."
Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
Pack their lunch and send them to work.
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces themself. A2: Walks home.
Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
Fertilized.
Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
Unfertilized.
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
Opens the car door.
Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
Kick open the car door.
Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
More head room.
Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
More leg room.
Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde?
Bucket seats.
Q: What do blondes say after sex?
A1: "Thanks, Guys!" A2: "Are you boys all in the same band?" A3: Do you guys all play for the <team name>? A4: Who were all those guys?
Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
Because everybody gets a turn.
Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
Because she's been laid all over the country.
Q: What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex?
Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
*Who cares?*
Q: Why do blondes have orgasms?
So they know when to stop having sex!
Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file! A2: Who cares? A3: She says, "Next". A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder. A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes. A6: I mean, who really cares? A7: The batteries have run out.
Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
"Thanks for the refill!"
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
Data transfer.
Q: Why do blondes use tapons with extra long strings?
So the crabs can go bungee-jumping.
Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her
nametag) ?
"'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A1: Because they don't know any better. A2: They are easier to keep amused.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?" A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her. A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
"Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"
Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A wine cellar.
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
Peroxide.
Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
They're doing research on black holes.
Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
A1: They both have a black box. A2: Both have a cockpit.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Not everyone has been in a 747.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
Not everybody has been in a limo.
Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A dope ring.
Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart
blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? A1: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus,
the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde. A2: None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth
Fairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
So they know what day of the week it is.
Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
Because it kept falling out.
Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
Because her boyfriend was also blond!
Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the
ground first?
The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
Her IQ goes up!
Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
