Bill Clinton and Jesse Jackson just finished a workout in the gym and go into the shower. Bill looks over at Jesse and asks, "how did your penis get so big?" Jesse replies, "before I get into bed, I slap it on the bedpost three times."
So, that night before Bill gets into bed with Hillary, he slaps his penis against the bedpost three times. Hillary opens her eyes and says, "is that you Jesse?"

What's the difference between meeting Bill Clinton & meeting the Pope? You only have to drop to one knee when you meet the Pope!

Clinton sits down next to a priest on a flight. The flight attendant asks him if he would like a drink. Clinton orders a scotch and soda. The flight attendant brings the drink sets it down then asks the priest if he would like one. The priest replies, "I'd rather be taken by a no good, two bit floozy than to have liquor touch my lips!" Clinton hands his drink back and says, "I'm sorry, I didn't know I had a choice!"

Bill and Al are out for a morning jog, when they happen upon a goat with his head stuck in a fence. Al says; come on bill, I?ll show you how we'd handle this in Tennessee. He pulls his pants down and begins to screw the goat. He turns to Bill and says, "Bill, come on, don't you want some of this?" Bill says, "Yeah, why not!" Bill then drops his pants and sticks his head in the fence.

Why do they say Hillary has the pants in the family? Cause Bill can't keep his on.

One day about a month ago, Bill Clinton was looking for a call girl. He found three such ladies in a local lounge---a blonde , a brunette, and a redhead.
To the blonde he said , "I am the President of the United States. How much would it cost me to spend some time with you?" The blonde replied, "Two hundred dollars." To the brunette he posed the same question , and she replied, "One hundred dollars."
He then asked the redhead the same question. The redhead replied, "Mr. President , if you can raise my
skirt as high as my taxes.... Get my panties as low as my wages...get that thing of yours as hard as the times... Keep it high as the gas prices...keep me warmer than my apartment...and...screw me in private the way you do in public, then believe me Mr. President, it ain't gonna cost you a cent."

What will Monica Lewinsky use as a campaign slogan when she> decides to run for President?
-I did not swallow!

Washington has come up with a solution for the Clinton situation. They added the 11th commandment: "Thou shall not put thy rod in thy staff"

Clinton is considering changing the Democratic seal from a donkey to a condom, because it helps inflation, halts production, and gives a false sense of security while being screwed.

Computer executives say that Windows 98 goes down so much they are should rename it MONICA 98.

With Kennedy we had Camelot. With Clinton we have Came-A-Lot.

Arkansas is very proud of Clinton in that not a single one of these women coming forward is his sister!

Q. What is the difference between George Washington, Richard Nixon, and Bill Clinton?
A. Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Clinton doesn't know the difference.

President Clinton has decided to recruit interns from only four colleges: Morehead, Oral Roberts, Ball State and Brigham Young.

The FBI has coined a technical term for the stains found on Monica's dress: "Presidue"