What do priests and Christmas trees have in common? A: The balls are just for decoration

It seems these English people were standing in a pub. One of them farts very loudly and the other one says, "Sir, you just passed wind before my wife!" The other one says, "Sorry, old bean -- I didn't realize it was her turn!" ---

For Sale by Owner:

Complete Set of Encyclopedia Britannica Excellent condition, but no longer needed; Fucking wife knows everything.

A friend of mine recently got out of hospital after a respiratory ailment. I asked him what his problem was, and after a big sigh, he rolled his eyes, and said,
"It's a lung story..."

Why don't the Chinese have phone books?

Because there are so many Wings and so many Wongs they're afraid they'll wing the wong number.