A pre-med student from the University of Arizona was looking to score
big with his date on a Friday night. Determined to put the girl in the
mood, he drove her up to a spot on Mount Lemmon which overlooked the city
of  Tucson. They walked to an open knoll where they could see the city lights.
Overcome by the romantic locale, she succumbed to his pleas and they stripped 
down, made a bed of their clothes, and passionately began making love.
   
The heavy storm clouds rolling overhead and the low rumble of
thunder inside them excited the lovers even more. At the first few 
flashes of  lightning, they never looked up to see the charred remains 
of once great trees. Their idyllic clearing was a hotbed of electrical activity
during the warm desert nights. With a blinding light, a bolt of lightning
struck the high point on the knoll, which happened to be the pre-med student's ass,
and sought the path of last resistance --- straight down! Incredibly, he survived, 
but was in excruciating pain.
   
The heat of the lightning had fused together flesh and latex so that the lovers were
now stuck together like a pair of dogs. The girl, unfortunately, did NOT survive the 
Lightning strike! When the student looked down into the vacant eyes of his girlfriend and realized 
she was dead, his immediate repulsion caused him to jerk away from her,  whicH
of course, he couldn't! A wave of pain and nausea made him vomit into the girl's face and 
open mouth! Heaving only caused more pain and repeated vomiting until he finally passed out.
   
Attracted by the smell of "food," a bear found its way to the Siamese lovers and began to 
lick semi-digested pizza and buffalo wings from thedead girl's face. The student came to, 
but when he saw the bear, there  was little he could do but lay there silently in fear. To his
horror, the bear became dissatisfied with just a lick and started to eat the girl, loudly crunchin
her facial bones only inches from his ear. The bear also tasted the student, scraping the back 
of his skull with its teeth, before  moving  on.
   
Around mid-morning a group of junior girl scouts, up for a fun weekend camp-out, arrived 
at the campsite where the pre-med student's car was parked. It was only a matter of minutes
before three screaming girls discovered the student, who had regained consciousness several
times in the night and had managed to drag himself and the partially-eaten girl
about 20-feet. Doctors managed to "successfully" separate the student from the corpse, but 
Mr. Happy looked like a small piece of cauliflower in its flaccid state. The first hint of arousal 
resulted in so much pain,that the student was unable---and unwilling---to achieve an erection. 
Future surgeries may produce a reasonably functioning penis, but the student's family jewels, 
referred to by the doctors as the "scrotum mass," are irreparable.