The Top 15 Changes Now That the Baby has Arrived

16> Hubby drops to #2 on the list of people drooling at the sight

of your breasts.

15> Store clerks don't look at you so funny when you buy your

regular weekly supply of diapers.

14> Finally, someone you can beat at "Got Your Nose," at least

for a year or so.

13> You develop a liking for minivans, sensible shoes, and a

deep-seated contempt for Michael Jackson.

12> You're not so tolerant of strangers asking to touch your

round little belly anymore now that you're just FAT.

11> Goodbye, Happy Hour -- Hello, Happy Meal!

10> Can't leave the AK-47s under the couch anymore.

9> No longer get arrested for whipping out your breast on the

subway.

8> The realization that caca comes in a rainbow of lovely colors.

7> Well, there goes the pet dingo.

6> Cases of Bud Light quickly replaced by cases of Butt Wipes.

5> Bundle of joy, my ass. Just another ingrate to buy cigarettes

for.

4> Junior looks adorable in his little "sandbox", but the cat is

seriously torqued about it.

3> Mama cuts back to a sixer a day now that she's only "drinkin'

fer one."

2> For efficiency, your paycheck now direct-deposited to Disney.

and the Number 1 Change Now That the Baby has Arrived...

1> The closest you come to orgasm is when you think of sleep.