TOP TEN SIGNS NO ONE WANTS TO BE YOUR VALENTINE 

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10. Phone sex operators keep hanging up on you 

9. Fox is starting a new show about you: "America's least wanted" 

8. You get a heart-shaped box filled with angry hornets 

7. The babes just don't seem to go for your home-made star trek uniform 

6. You're taking private tutorials with Jocelyn Elders 

5. You have one of those handsome Ito beards--and you're a woman! 

4. The last time you had sex was during the Kennedy administration 

3. You spend your vacation chasin' lizards 

2. The Pope asks you for tips on celibacy 

1. You ain't a Gingrich, but your nickname's "newt"